Your zeitgeist 2013 was supposed to be my last blog post for
2013 where I invited people to share their happy stories and the lessons
learned during this year. But, unfortunately, one day after the post, the Starco explosion
came and changed many things.
I was talking to my sister-in-law over the phone when she
suddenly said in Arabic:”Infijar”! So I said no…She said again in Arabic: “Akid,
infijar!” I couldn’t believe. I denied it until I saw the worried and scared
faces of my colleagues.
The explosion was at Starco and very close to Al Ahlieh School
where my sister Yara was preparing for the scout camp along with her friends. Do I have to explain what I felt and how scared I was when I knew
about the exact location? What if my little sister was still there? But thanks
God, It was the voice of her chieftain Sara who calmed me down. They left the
area before the explosion and they were all safe.
My brother-in-law works there as well. We couldn't reach him by phone due to the bad
network but finally he answered and again, thanks God, he was fine. After I made
sure all my beloved were safe, I cried for almost one hour. I believe this was
the reaction of many of us.
Oh my God! It’s in Starco, one of the safest areas in
Beirut, exactly where I park my car almost every weekend to go either to Beirut
Souks or Zaitunay Bay. I sometimes give driving lessons to my sister there as
well.
I still can’t believe what happened. What if I was parking
my car there? What if my father was passing by this area just like the taxi
driver who died? What if my sister and her friends were still there preparing
to enjoy their holidays peacefully just like the innocent Mohamad El Chaar and
his friends?
At that time, when everyone in the office was shocked,
scared and reading the news, my Facebook was opened as usual. I think we all
know what the Facebook news feeds look like after an explosion. We all know the
comments, shares and statuses we are going to read. We even know the coming
ones! I personally couldn’t handle reading these statuses or seeing the same
pictures for the 6th time this year: 6 explosions from July 2013
till December 2013. I shared exactly 2 posts then I decided to log out until I
feel better. Facebook was giving me negative vibes lately anyway, and it was
the right time to stay away.
Honestly, I am tired from reading the same “extremely
creative” Lebanese statuses again.
I am tired from “14 March” supporters who usually write: “They
are killing us”
I am tried from “8 Mach” supporters who usually write: “Allah
yer7am kel el Chohada”
Or vice versa! It depends on the explosion's location, UNFORTUNATELY!
I am even tired from the neutral humanitarian people who
share the call for Blood donations, just like I usually do.
I am tired from seeing the same pictures of people crying,
shouting and rescuing each other.
I am tired from the lazy people who don’t do anything but
nagging on Facebook.
I am just tired.
When I reached home, I turned on the TV. And of course, here it is the déjà vu. I saw another mother mourning
her son and another son mourning his dad. People were mourning their beloved;
the same stories again, only the innocent heroes changed. TV turned off as
well. I preferred to stay away, read a book and dream about a life outside
Lebanon.
Don’t get me wrong. No I don’t hate my country. I love
Lebanon. I love the south and the lovely villages there. I even love the
villages that I've never visited before. I love Saida and Ghazieh that remind
me of my grandfather and the yummi Lahm Baajin. I love Deir el Kamar, Beit el
Dine and Moussa Castle that remind me of my childhood. I love Dahieh and its
humble and popular streets. There’s something different there who makes me
attached not detached. I love Jbeil and
its amazing festival. I love Batroun and Tripoli. I love my city, Beirut. I
love my whole country but I just need to live in peace. It’s a human’s right.
Isn’t it?
I love Lebanon but I am extremely sorry to tell you that, this
time, I won’t pray for it. No. I believe we prayed enough and I think we should
change the prayer. It’s not Lebanon and all these amazing places that need our
prayers. Our minds and souls need them. This
time, I am not going to ask God to protect us from those who are using weak
young guys and paying them from our money to kill us.
I will ask God to protect us from our weak hearts, our unstable
minds and our own thoughts. I will ask God to protect us from ourselves. At the end, Prayer & worship without love turns you into an egotist-unknown
Let’s pray together!
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