I am not perfect and so you are. No one is perfect. We all have our own weaknesses and we all do mistakes. The good thing is that if, we really have enough awareness and maturity, we can work on controlling these weaknesses but we can never do a major change.
I tried hard to change lots of my weaknesses. Experience, practice, reading, life coaching and even some therapy sessions did help me work on changing some of them. Being emotional and sensitive, for example, was one of the things that I couldn't change. I am sure you know the kind of problems and shocks that sensitive persons face in their life. They can be easily hurt. I, personally, went through lots of breakdowns because of my sensitivity and I tried hard to get rid of it but in vain. I surely became stronger while getting older, but I never changed 100%. Sensitivity is here and will always be.
I have as well another weakness that most of compassionate people have. This weakness is not always here. It appears when I am hurt by the people I love. God knows how many times I tried to change it, to remove it, to destroy it, but again in vain. I read a lot about it, I even attended some therapy sessions to change it but it never did. Few days ago, it was there and I was surprised by the way it controlled me. You can’t imagine how bad and angry I felt. I was upset with myself: Why I am allowing AGAIN such a weakness to make me unhappy? Why it didn't change? Why I didn't grow up?
All these whys didn't help me. What helped me this time is the inner conversation and the memories of all painful feelings and bad outcomes caused before by this weakness. I asked myself one simple question: " if I don’t control it, what would be the outcome?" It will surely be a very hurtful one. This answer didn't remove the pain inside of me but it helped me protect myself and get out of the situation. At that moment, I realized that I was still the same person, but now I am more experienced in dealing with my own weaknesses.
And here’s the lesson I've learned: Your weaknesses will show up again suddenly, unconsciously. They will always be there. They won’t change. They are your identity and they are what make you unique and different. But don’t ever allow them to ruin your life, your relationship, your dignity and your happiness. Use your previous experience, pain and shocks, to control them.
In my opinion, don’t try to change yourself. Don’t put energy on changing the true you. Instead, work on self-development to control your weaknesses and adapt with them. As Pat Summit said: “No one feels strong when she examines her own weakness. But in facing weakness, you learn how much there is in you, and you feel real strength.”
|Photos by Natheer Halawani|